Early Thanksgiving

Today was my mom’s Thanksgiving. It wad the first time I had been there in a few years. I can’t say I had a lot of fun, but it wasn’t too bad. It was good seeing family and eating food, but I still felt left out. I think that’s why I never liked my mom’s family… I just feel like I don’t fit in. Anyway, here is our big family picture. Every one have a safe holiday!!
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What Do I See?

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Does anyone else love the colorful soap at the drive through car wash? It has always been my favorite. My 5 year old self comes out and I always beg Bailey to get the $12 wash so I can see the soap. Does anyone else have this?

Coming Home

My cousin is coming home to us this Sunday night. I honestly have some mixed emotions about it. Let me explain..

She is currently in the Navy and has been in for two years now, however, three years ago she escaped from her fathers control freak house and came to live with us for the summer. After she escape from her fathers house  (we literally packer all her stuff while he wasn’t home and then left), she came to live with us for the summer until she could join the Navy. When living with her father, they had one cell phone (Only for when he needed to call them), they were not allowed outside, and they were home schooled all their lives. He was very strict and did unspeakable things. However, these aren’t 15 year old kids- these are 20-23 year old grown adults. Either way, she left for the Navy and has come back every so often for Christimas or whatever. Last Christmas hshe came home and was a complete different person. She brought a boyfriend home (which was a huge step for a girl who nwas never allowed to have friends or talk to other family members). Not only did they literally sit on the couch and make out ALL DAY LONG, she would bitch about EVERYTHING. Our internet was too slow, there was nothing to do, she didn’t like the food we had.. and so on.

Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death. I just think it is very upseting we took her in when no one else would. Not only that, but it drives me insaine when people forget where they come from.

So as of right now, I want to see her because she will be deployed for a year starting next month. Nonetheless, I don’t want her to come home and insult all of us. She is a 23 year old, we don’t need to be home entertaining her every second of the day.

 

The End.

Where Am I On The Time Clock?

We’re half way into our semester and Bailey still doesn’t know what he wants to do. it is pretty nerve racking- but I am dealing. I hope he makes a decision soon becasue the spring is coming soon… Even though winter hasn’t even hit us yet. On another note, I sent off my college application to UC Blue Ash and I honestly hope I get a response soon because I am starting to get a little worried. I am debating if I want to apply to another school or not, even though UC Blue Ash will be about $5,000 cheaper… But I guess we’ll see.

 

As my Senior year comes to a close end, even though it just started, my step mom keeps talking about my future. She has mentions about “Bailey’s wife” and so on. I wonder if they know, or just she knows, our plans for the up comming future? It is that obvious or is she just assuming? Either way I think that my dad is going to flip, but I do not expect anything different. I think that it’ll work out. As long as Bailey makes a decision soon. After he does that, then we can start planning our future. I have to admit, I am getting pretty excited about it..

 

I am sorry I haven’t been on here often, I am neglectful, I know. With school and everything, I don’t have much time. I know that isn’t an excuse though. I hope everyone is doing well and I hope to catch up on all your blogs soon!

 

-Gabby Underwood

What If You Were Me

Day 16
“Something you’ve always thought “what if” about”

Oh lord. This will be a good one. I have a lot of “what if”‘s.. What if I got pregnant in high school, what if the world ends tomorrow, what if I don’t get accepted into UC, what if Bailey doesn’t go into the Air Force, what if I go blind. I have so many “what if”‘s.

This is the one I decided on:
What if you were me? How would you handle being in my body.

Would you care that without contacts, you are blind? Do you think you could function knowing what I know? Could you live with the pain of having three best friends die in one year.. at the age 14. How would you respond to that? Would you have left high school at 15 and went to college? Would you have stayed with Bailey, or even given him the time of day? Would you have gotten into drugs? Ran away from home? Would you have decided to continue to live with my mother? Or would you have moved in with my father? Would you have ever forgiven my mother? Would you have been more popular? Talk to people you don’t like? Would you have gotten a full time job while you went to college? Would you still get straight A’s? Would you have gotten depressed? Would you have cut? Tell me, if you were me, would you have ended it all?

Well I have to deal with these questions every day. Worse than that, I have to come up with answers to them. Don’t judge me until you’ve been in my shoes and seen and the things I’ve see. I know life is hard for everyone.. So keep your head up and be happy you’re in your shoes and not someone else’s.

Horoscope

Day 15
“What is your zodiac sign and do you think it fits you?”

My sign is Cancer because I was born in July. I googled the zodiac characteristics of Cancer and found the following:

For Cancer, home and family are key. A Water Sign, like Scorpio and Pisces, these natives lead with their feelings first, and need to feel safe expressing their deepest emotions before letting you get any closer. They are usually very empathetic people, able to share your pain, or the pains of the world at large.

Ruled by the Moon, Cancer natives can seem a bit strange or uncanny to some who are used to a more direct approach. But Cancer isn’t usually trying to be manipulative. They just need to size you up before feeling safe enough to risk rejection. The Moon also gives them a twinge of psychic ability, which can be developed during this lifetime if they choose.

The sign of Cancer is symbolized by the Crab, which gives them a sideways quality. These people may talk around a problem before getting to the point, making them tough to know. Additional patience is required as they spin their tale their own way. Just don’t interrupt, because they may retreat back into their protective shells for good.

Associated with the stomach and breasts, Cancer natives should pay a bit more attention to these areas, and keep them safe and healthy during this lifetime. Issues with digestion, in particular, may arise as a Cancer gets older.

Challenges can rise when Cancerians are too sensitive for their own good, or try to take on all the world’s problems. Cultivating compassion is one thing. But becoming so devoted to a person or cause that you lose yourself isn’t healthy. Striving for balance in all things helps achieve the best results for the Cancerian and the people he or she trying to help. Being near water can help a Cancer feel more at ease, and allow them to release the past, rather than clinging to it unnecessarily.

Let me just say that that is me in a nutshell. I’m not kidding. Im shy, I’m clingy to Bailey, I want to move near the ocean, all I want is a family.. It’s me. It’s pretty weird how well someone can describe you without even knowing you. What’s your sign and does it describe you?

Tonight

Hair thrown back and in my pjs
I wait for that specific phone call
“Hey baby girl, I’m on my way home”
Tonight I got a text, saying you’ll be late
That’s okay, I’ll stay up for you
I’ll be in bed when you get home
But I’ll promise I’ll wait up
I’ll kick back and read Kleopatra
When you get home, all will be okay

Truthfully

One day the pressure will build
Nothing will go right
Words won’t express
Things will topple
You’ll explode

I can’t fix it
Only you can
You think I’m wrong
But it’s true
It must change

I hope you go
Though I don’t know
If you will
I just need you
By my side

I told you I’d always
Be there
I promise that
We’ll always be together
Just make up your mind

Senior Year

My senior year is going by quickly and honestly it’s bitter sweat. I hate the words “bitter sweat” because it seems like that’s how everyone describes their senior year, but it is true.

I haven’t actually been in high school for two years, doing Post Secondary and all, but I’ll miss a lot. The innocent chatter that everyone had at 7am as they were walking in the doors. The emailing everyone throughout the day (we all had lap tops). The pep rallies, which I hated to attend because I have no school spirit. Going to games and feeling the excitement in the air.

I miss some of the teachers, the teachers that, in fact, saw Bailey and I fall in love. My A&P teacher who let us be partners in everything and ignored us when we were a little too touchy those first few months of dating. We saw her at the high school the other day and she was really happy to see us. Then there is my Chemistry teacher, with his mono time voice and 8am quizzes that no one was awake for. He didn’t care that Bailey pulled a chair next to my desk and sat in the middle of the isle all class long. Thank you Mr. F for not saying anything. I’m sure it drove you crazy, but we were good students, so what can you say? The teachers used to tell us how cute we were and they all talked about it during their lunch (or so they told us). Even the vise principle was talking about us getting married. Which is a common thing around Ohio. Apparently, a lot of people in other states don’t get married right out of high school, but here it is common. Now I’m sure those teachers don’t even remember us.

For the last two years I’ve been attended a local Community College with Bailey. We love it and it allows us to be flexible. We can work days and go to school at night or work all week and on our days off, go to school. It’s really nice, and it’s a lot more relaxed than high school. The only thing I hate is that it is always cold. No matter the season, wear jeans and a sweater.

It seems my life is going by so quickly. I’m not complaining though. Maybe Bailey is right, 22, 24, 25 isn’t so far away. Our future will be here soon enough. I’ve filled out my application to UC Blue Ash. Today they sent me a letter saying all my credits will transfer, which is freaking great. It should be another week or two before I know if I’m accepted. I’m getting really excited! I know I’ll only be there a year, hopefully, but continuing my education is exciting. Baileys still wanting to join the Air Force. I hope he does it. I think it’ll be a great opportunity for him and will help him grow as a person. I know he’ll always be mine.

To the future me, hold fast to your love and to your dreams, adopt a baby that is deaf, get your degree, marry Bailey sometime in your life because he’s too good to let go. Also, smile more, be a little more social. When Bailey leaves, meet some friends to help the time pass. Keep up your grades in school, clean your room more often too. It’ll all work out. I love you, my future self. Stay strong.