Words I’ll Never Speak

Day 5
“Things I Want To Say To My Ex”

Well, I’ll start with this, I hope you know I do not hate you. You truly opened my eye for the first time and I am grateful for it.

You sucked me into a loving relationship, that started from a decent friendship. We were a lot alike, you and I. The only exception is that you had your mother on a pedestal, a place I could never reach. I knew she could never be replaced in your mind. She’d always be the best. My mother, she was the opposite. I wanted her dismissed from my life and erased from my memories. I’d do anything to forget her.

Another problem is that I was independent. I did my own laundry, I knew how to take care of myself. However, your mother did everything but brush your teeth. Somehow I’ve always gone for the “momma-boys”. Truly, I think it’s because of my past. Because my mother wasn’t a ‘mother’, now I subconsciously have the need to be better than her and actually take care of the people I love.

In the end, it didn’t last. I was never first in anything you did. If it wasn’t swim practice, it was lacrosse. If it wasn’t lacrosse, it was band. You never had time for me, although I was impressed that you drove to Kentucky to see me every weekend. That really showed me you cared. I know what happen between us wasn’t because we didn’t love each other, it was just because it wasn’t meant to be.

Thank you for opening my eyes. Honestly. You showed me characteristic to avoid and some to embrace. Because of you, and help from others, I am now with the man of my dreams. Maybe you stole apart of me that I’ll never be able to give Bailey, but that’s okay. You gave me a lot, a lot more than any 14 year old should have to be aware of. But thank you. I have grown from it and we are both where we want to be in life now.

I hope you’re as happy with her than I am happy with him. I hope you love her more than you loved me and show her more attention. Make some time out of your day just to hold her and tell her she’s the one. Please, do it for me.

You’ll always be my childhood best friend. Through those deaths, depression, and lost feelings, you were always there. You are an important part of me and showed me what I needed in life.

Thank you for the memories, the love, and the pain. You’ve made me who I am today. If you ever read this, just know it was all because of you, W.J.E..

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