I Am Not A Child

My only regret in life is something that I was unable to control. My frilly pink bubble of safety, love, and happiness was never created, unlike how most people live in this bubble for the first 15 or so years of their lives. My childhood was never a fairy tale. I never had one, period. At the age of 17, I work full time and then go to school full time at a local college. My step mom always tells me that I’ll regret not having a childhood, but I already do. I’m mentally at the age of a 25 year old, and I feel it too.

My biggest concern is when I have children, will I be like my mother? Will I do the same things she has? Make the same mistakes? I hope not. Over the past years I’ve learned to forgive my mother for what she has done, but at the same time, I still hurt. I hurt more than any child ever should. I don’t want my children going through that. Ever.

I want to be the best I can, without having regret. I want to know that my past doesn’t define me. Having no childhood doesn’t change who I could possibly be. I am a strong women. I will be who I want to be, and promise to give my children the best they can possibly have.

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